Guest: So, everything that has been said today, I just wanna know how to do that with kids. (laugh)
Abraham: Just leave them alone, because they already know it. The thing that causes the most disruption in parent – child relationship is your belief that you have something in their behaviour to control, and if you could just guide them through the clarity of your example, use fewer words, just decide for a week that you are going to be a conveyer through your emotions and through your examples rather that through your words and through your guidance and restrictions and control
Abraham: You’ll have it. That might feel too general. We’re willing to talk more specific but that is the answer.
Guest: Ok. (laugh) I have tree little boys and I just wanna raise them how Abraham would, ha ha. So they are not common or (laugh)
Abraham: Well then that means that you would like them to be in close proximity with who they really are, as life causes them to expand, so the idealic experience would be to explore enough contrast that gives birth to personal desire and have enough stability to be close to that desire so that you can always feel the calling of the desire. Cause there’s nothing more delicious than the feel the calling of your own desire and there’s nothing more uncomfortable than to not feel the calling of your desire, to have a desire that you can’t find or to not have a desire. So, it really is about, just helping them as best you can to stay in alignment with who they are, but you can’t punish them into alignment or sculpt them into alignment or criticize them into alignment you can only example them into alignment. You can only inspire them into alignment; you can only be in alignment and demonstrate what being in alignment is.
Esther got on the airplane yesterday, she was travelling alone, and she was standing right behind a woman who had four children, they looked like they were 4, 3, 2, 1 in age and the woman was standing there with her children and the woman was reading a magazine, and Esther thought how different this mother is than other mothers Esther’s seen, because the children were not misbehave-having in any way, they were having fun. But the mother was not focused on her children. It was as if she had already established her relationship with them, and it was as if they’ve already un-understood their relationship with the airport. And so, they were standing in line, Esther was flying SouthWest and standing in the numbered lines and Esther is right behind the four of them, five of them, a mother and four children and she said to the ticket agent “It’s just me and my four children” and Esther heard an audible gasp from dozens of people standing in the line behind her. The words “It’s just me and my four children” made people gasp. And then they went down the jet way and Esther followed them and Esther thought “Wow, it was light and easy, it was no angst, there was no control, there was no concern, there was no trauma, there was no trouble, it was five people getting on an airplane. Who knew?
(Laugh) So, Esther was right behind them, so she had the fun of watching them get settled. And mother was carrying the car seat that the youngest one was going to be sitting in, so she put the car seat in and sort of magically the little on is in the car seat, and there was another one there and then the two set there. And Esther thought “wow” and then, mother is handing out their electronic iPads and one of them is reading the Harry Potter book and they were all settled and in place before Esther got her seat belt fastened and then mother resumed her reading of the magazine. …the entire flight was like that. There was no guidance from mother, there was no suggestion from mother, there was no clamoring among the children…
And Esther thought “all right, so this is the goal, happy children in a space without parental haranguing, without… So Esther spent most of the flight just trying to psychically analyse this mother Ester wanted to know what she has decided, what she has decided that accomplished that. And Esther received it very clearly:
“I have lovely children, who are easy to travel with”…that’s it and that knowledge was so practiced. Now, Esther was not privy to anything leading up to this, Esther does not know what contrast this woman lived before Esther got to meet her. Esther does not know even what happened yesterday. Esther only knows that she witnessed what she believes to be the perfect parenting experience that she has ever observed, and the factors …because Esther has been listening to us for a long time, listening to our guidance about what we would do if we were standing in your physical shoes, and the factors that Esther observed that she’s sure that she witnessed were a soft and sweet disregard for any of them were doing. No fusing over them, no working to try to keep the comfortable, no need, but no arbitration among them, just expectation of wellbeing. And Esther doesn’t know how long it lasted, it lasted all of the time they were at the gate area, all the time that they were on the airplane, Esther didn’t see them after they got off he airplane, but that’s what you are reaching for, it’s your soothing that you are reaching for, it’s you making peace with you, with your children, it’s you finding unconditional…it’s you believing in their happy life, regardless of any condition that they might be presenting to you. In other words, one thing was very clear these children have learned that this mother is not going to respond to their negative behavior, so there is no reason for them to ever offer any negative behavior because it gets no response from her
Abraham: “I have wonderful children, who are expanding and evolving, who are finding their way and are perfect with every step that they take. That’s the unconditional knowing that you hold and they will thrive under that knowing”. It doesn’t mean that there won’t be an occasional whatever. That is just the contrast that helps you appreciate it when it’s the other way. All of you would happily ever after if you would mind your own business and that’s the hardest part about parenting: your children feel like so much like they’re your business, sometimes they feel like they are a reflection of you “I don’t want my children to misbehave”, sometimes that they are an extension of you, but they are individual consciousnesses that have come here with they individual connection to Source and if you let them, they’ll keep their connection to Source, and that’s what you wish for, that’s what you want, that’s what you want for everyone. You can’t inspire something that you are not personally living, so the best way to help your children is by feeling the best way that you can feel about whatever it is. Your connection to your Inner being is the only thing that matters in inspiring anything that is a benefit to anyone else”
Sedona, AZ, 03/15/14
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