Make lists of positive aspects


“So, when you feel angry or rotten or disappointed, the other cannot help but know it, because you’re reaching right out and bringing it in. So, our encouragement would be to make lists of things you like about the other, to focus so strongly about all of the glorious things about this one that you like that, even in advance.
Let’s say that you are not going to see this one until 8 o’clock tonight and at 8 o’clock in the morning you get up and on your list of how you want to feel and what you’re wanting to have, you’ve identified this relationship: you’re wanting to have a relationship of respect, one in which each one of you are having a good time, where you are allowing one another your freedom and your growth while you’re coming together as co-creator on some subjects.
You see, that is what goes wrong with most relationships, you thread all over the toes of freedom because you forget that you are first individual creator and sometimes co-creator. And so if you could allow the other TO BE while on the subjects of your co-creating you could give your emphasis, then the other could not feel that they are not free, you see…
A young woman said to us: “Abraham, what is wrong with me? My mate who I really love asks things of me and I don’t want to do them”.
And we said: “Why don’t you want to do them?”
And she said: “Because it takes away my feeling of freedom”
And we said “So then, what do you do?”
And she said: “So, I do them grudgingly and then I think of something for him to do so that we can get even”
All the time feeling rotten, nobody having a good time in it and all of that action being absolutely counterproductive to what they are really wanting, you see….
And so we said: “What do you think is missing?”
And she said: “My freedom”
We said: “Your freedom is never missing. You may perceive for a moment that you’re not free but if you will stop and acknowledge that you are absolutely free under any and all conditions. Why? Because it is what you think that is creating your experience, not what you’re doing for another. How much freer can you be?” we said.
And she said:”You’re right. So all of that feeling, all of that resisting has nothing to do with whether I am really free or not, for I am absolutely free…”
Abraham Hicks, Fort Collins, 07/08/1990

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